This is an unsettling time. For all of us. Our instant access to news and information is a dangerously sharp double-edged sword –providing information and resources on how best to protect ourselves and our families, while at the same time inevitably escalating our fears about this life-altering pandemic. Parents must make difficult decisions about the amount of information they share with their children. How much transparency should there be? How old does a child need to be to understand what’s going on? I don’t have the answers. But I do know the most important thing we can do for all children – provide consistency, stability, and routine.
I am the training specialist for child behavior and inclusion at Right At School. Routine and consistency are oft-repeated terms in my daily interactions supporting our program staff across the country in their work with students with special and diverse needs. During this confusing time when you are your child’s parent, teacher, and liaison to the pandemonium of the outside world, I want to reinforce these concepts with you. Schools are closed. Children’s lives are upended. This lack of routine promotes anxiety. So, what can you do to reduce anxiety for your child(ren)?
- Establish a routine
Create a visual representation of this routine – that way, your child has constant access, and can reference the visual when they are feeling anxious about what is happening next. Involve your child in the visual creation – let them decorate, and give their input on what aspects of the day are important to include. This will also give you insight into the areas of uncertainty, or importance, your child is internalizing.
For example:
- Wake up, get dressed and eat breakfast at the same time every day.
- Go to a non-distracting area of your home to work on school assignments, creative activities, independent reading, etc. during the hours they usually would be in school.
- Copy the school schedule by switching activities every 30-40 minutes or so. At “lunchtime,” eat lunch together.
Keep in mind that your routine does not need to match your “normal” routine, or what they would normally do in school. It’s okay, and maybe better, if their “school day” looks different – a longer “recess” period, more creative time for painting or making music, or more online games. The importance is not not so much what is happening in the day, but that kids have the comfort of predictability in an unpredictable world.
- Stay Connected
While “social distancing” is important to keep us healthy, children may feel sad, confused, or even mad about being separated from friends and family. Help children connect in other ways. For example, set up FaceTime or skype calls with family, or “virtual play dates” with friends, or have children help “grocery shop” online for an elderly neighbor.
- Focus on the positive
Children do not have the ability to self-regulate following a stressful incident in the same way as adults, so it may take more time or more powerful measures to “turn off” their body’s stress response. Remind children that it is adults’ responsibility to figure this out, and they don’t need to worry. Talk about all the efforts adults are engaging in to stay healthy and mediate this issue, e.g., how the Navy converted two huge battleships into floating hospitals, how auto companies are manufacturing thousands of ventilators, and Johnson & Johnson testing a new vaccine. Children are more perceptive than one might think, and positivity and reassurance will go a long way.
Finally, one of the most important things you can do for your child(ren) is acknowledge and address your own anxiety. In the wise sentiment of airplane security, you MUST put your oxygen mask on before helping others.
This is a great resource from Child Mind Institute about talking to your kids about Coronavirus:
To help us stay connected, please share ways you are reducing anxiety or establishing and adhering to routine in your own homes! Send pictures of the visuals you have created for your child(ren) to katie@rightatschool.com.
Now, taking my own advice and sticking to my schedule… it’s time to eat lunch, and come up with new paper towel conservation ideas!
Stay positive, RAS Family!
— Emma